This is an especially emotional post tonight folks.
You know those moments where the universe opens up and says “so umm, I see you’ve been ignoring my subtle hints so…new approach. I will now be showering you with hints, cues, clues, and nudges…all in one moment! I’ll make you understand!” ? Well today was one of those days. They seem to be coming faster and faster this time of year. *sigh*
So back story: sometimes when i’m stressed i’ll sit at my computer and put together playlists. Sometimes they work, sometimes I start practicing to them and i’m like “holy shazam! why did I think Snoop could follow Donna DeLory???” Well I just put this sweet little list together and in the process had a breakdown of sorts. Without even thinking about it I realized I had basically mapped out everything i’d experienced today in song. Or at least the lessons from what I have experienced. OK so obviously the universe thinks this is important.
The playlist started out with an ethereal and hauntingly beautiful track by Brian Eno that made me want to open up, let go, and let live. Something I’m having trouble with lately as I have wedding plans weighing me down, a Grandfather (whom I love dearly) sick in the hospital, a schedule that is realistically just INSANE, and a disconnect in my practice that keeps popping up because i’m stuffing these things instead of releasing them from my grip…I then realized that I had accidentally added an intro by Alicia Keyes instead of an actual song I had been thinking of and as it came on it took me by total surprise. THe words?
“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight and closed in the bud was more painful than the risk it took bloom this is the element of freedom”
OK tears, disbelief, frustration, slap in the proverbial face…the whole bit. *siiiiiiiiiigh CRY siiiiiiiiigh* Can I catch a break please? I’d like to crawl in my hole and forget the world for about two seconds. BUT no, then came the release with Matisyahu and “Miracle” a simple, sweet, and warm lyrical reminder that even in the face of adversity miracles exist in every moment. So why am I allowing them to escape me? Really Universe? I thought I just wanted the sound quality to be serene and then you hit me with this? OK so you do kinda rock…
the hits just kept coming from some of my favorite songs:
Coldplay “viva la vida” literally “Live the Life” ‘
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
John Mayer: “Home Life”
I think I’m gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
Dave Matthews: “Crash into me” (which admittedly is supposed to be about a couple in lust but these words felt like a round house kick to my ego. the need to control the outcome of every situation and forget the beauty of allowing life to flow through and with me rather than around all the walls i’m building and talons I have dug in around me)
Who’s got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart I’ll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Finally the good stuff came…
James Blunt : “You’re Beautiful”
You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
TIna Malia: ” Way Home”
James Blunt: “Carry you home”
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I’ll carry you home.
I’ll carry you home.
If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Ryan Adams “Come Home”
and nobody has to cry
to make it seem real
nobody has to hide
the way that they feel
if you stay right here
tomorrow you will be fine
i will be here for you
standing by your side
1- face it girl
2- let it go
3- come face to face with who you are…deep down…beneath all the layers. COME HOME
And then I saw this on Facebook. And I was like OK i’m open. Just nooo more smoke signals right now Señor(a) Universe 😉 I’m kind of tired.
In closing. If you could all offer my Grandpa Joe a thought, or a prayer of health and comfort as well as to my family it would be appreciated. Also my Grandma Helen, a wonderful woman, but a little too selfless. She could use some well wishes too.
Love and GRATITUDE